The Cosmic Yes

My personal journey of finally saying "yes" to my soul's purpose

Photo by Rafael Barquero

From a very young age, I was obsessed with remembering the truth about things. I always felt a sense of restlessness, a strong feeling that I needed to find something, remember something or do something.

I was never settled, and I found regular life boring.

My father was the same way. He, too, was never satisfied with this life as it appeared. He knew there was something more, and he lived with a constant aura of impatience and unrest, as though something in his life had gone off-course. Perhaps that is why he gave me books on consciousness when I was fifteen and sent me to study at Esalen Institute as a work scholar when I was twenty.

After my father died suddenly in a car accident when I was twenty-one, I had the resources to pretty much choose any educational pursuit I wanted. For a time, I lived at home and had no real expenses. This was the opening that could have truly set me on the right course had I had enough sense to recognize how everything in my life was supporting me to pursue whatever dreams I had. It was at this exact time, in my bedroom at my mother’s house that I received a direct message about my life purpose. I wrote it down on a legal pad and never uttered a word of it to anyone. It felt too big for my tender, still-grieving heart to hold. It wasn’t specific enough for me to grab onto it and make a clear decision.

Sadly, I turned my back on it completely, changing the entire trajectory of my life. It was as if someone was handing me the most glorious and precious gift, all wrapped in pretty, glittery paper and shiny bows, and I threw it down on the ground, walked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

It’s taken some deep inner work to even look at this, let alone forgive myself for it. For years, I longed to go back and do it all over again, to see what I walked away from and turned down. My Higher Self eventually showed me a few people whose paths resembled the one I would have taken had I heeded that call, and oh how different my life would have been!

Saying “yes” to what appeared on that legal pad all those years ago, would have meant saying “no” to many of the choices I made in my early twenties. My life would have followed an entirely different path, instead of all of the side roads and detours that ultimately delayed my alignment with my soul’s work and purpose.

Perhaps this is why I became so obsessed with helping others align with their purpose. I made a grand error, and decades later, finally came out of the spiritual closet enough to say a wholehearted “yes” to my soul’s original mission. I traveled in fits and starts to get here. Along the way, and in spite of myself, I managed to gather some good, solid skills and experience as a writer, group facilitator, teacher, coach, mentor and Akashic Records practitioner. I also invested heavily in studying with many wise and beautiful teachers, learning spiritual practices, cultivating my intuition and doing inner healing work to undo my ancestral and familial trauma and social programming. Unfortunately, because I chose an alternative trajectory, I also incurred karma and accumulated lots of consequences associated with the choices I made. This resulted in boatloads of unnecessary pain and suffering. Because of this, my spiritual team have had to work extra hard to keep me on track.

This theme of resisting and saying “no” to one’s soul work shows up in the majority of the Akashic readings I do now. I hear all of the fears, excuses, stories and regrets. They, of course, mirror my own. I know the territory so well and can speak right to it.

It’s as if I’m speaking to myself.

This leads me to the subject of saying “yes”. There’s the personal “yes” when we give ourselves permission to say “yes” to what serves us personally, on a human level. Then there’s the "Cosmic Yes” when we give ourselves permission to say “yes” to what serves the Highest Good.

The Cosmic Yes is about recognizing we are so much more than our human form and human plans. We are cosmic souls temporarily embodied in human form. Therefore, the Cosmic Yes doesn’t mean we have to give up or sacrifice our personal desires. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When we align with the intentions and higher purpose of our soul rather than the desires of our personality, it feels really good because it’s authentic.

It feels like home.

It feels as if we’re in the right place at the right time.

We feel part of the universal orchestra of life, as we do our part, expressing our unique presence and gifts.

We move from disharmony to harmony and from separation to unity consciousness.

And who wouldn’t want that?

By the way, this is where humanity is headed: the big Cosmic Yes. The old paradigm is no longer serving us, and it’s time to take a quantum leap in our evolution for the sake of ourselves as well as the earth and her beautiful living creatures.

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