Can Becoming Tribal Again Save the World?

Interdependence is the medicine we need to heal our loneliness and our fierce independence.

Photo by Phyllis Poon

There is a deep secret in reaching out for help, especially when one is professionally seen as an “expert” and wisdom holder, as one who gives and doesn’t seem to need anything. The secret is that giving others a chance to give is a wonderful gift in and of itself. Giving them a chance to be the “expert” and wisdom holder, building their confidence and trust of themselves and having the experience of knowing they are seen and appreciated is absolutely part of the path of the heart. While giving seems to be the greatest expression of generosity, I now see it as equal to allowing another to give and feel worthwhile and purposeful in the process.

I have often been completely blind to this profound truth. My whole view of sharing my needs and asking for help was turned upside-down by parents who felt burdened by giving. I learned to withhold my own needs, with great consequences to my well-being and the well-being of those around me who have needed the opportunity to give.

This is quite a revelation because it again points to the profound truth that giving and receiving are one, and when the natural flow of generosity is opened up, people feel connected by a deep river of love. No longer having to soldier through life and solve every problem alone, we become connected to our natural abundance that comes not from independence or individualistic pursuits, but from circulating abundance within our community.

Sharing is giving.

Attention is giving.

Listening is giving.

All of those cost nothing except time. So much can occur within the context of those gifts including discovering ideas and resources that we didn’t even know existed. I make my living doing the very thing that we all need to be doing: helping each other live and thrive authentically.

Imagine if we could translate that into a system that everyone could use. Something that is beyond time banks and gifting circles, something that goes deeper and has longer-lasting results.

What if we could peel back the layers of  our learned individual-focus and shift it to our natural tribal-focus? If people felt attracted to the spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical aspects of connecting with others because it was an inspiring, exciting, magical and joyful way to live, then it could happen without promoting it or convincing others that it was worthwhile. If we could demonstrate how and why it works, people might not want to live any other way. In fact, they would probably feel as though they’d stumbled upon the holy grail—the feeling of love and community and home they’d been search for their entire lives.

Wow!

This is so big, I can barely hold it. I see the connections to all the conversations I’ve had lately. And I also see that it expands into the greater relationship to the web of Life. It’s viewing everything as an interconnected whole and finding one’s place in it.

Gathering people together has always been one of my passions. Prior to starting my first group, I ran a couple of open mic events: one at a yoga center and the other at Esalen Institute. Those events helped me realize something that would emerge later in my groups: people LOVE being seen, heard and appreciated by their peers.

Following that, I created and ran a wide range of groups: a group for women writers, a neighborhood networking group, a five-women success team, an idea party, a business salon and a half-dozen Meetup groups. Interspersed in there were classes, workshops, trainings, presentations, lunch and learns and coaching groups.

A couple of those group experiences really stand out: The first was when I guest facilitated a Meetup group on the topic of intuitive generosity which touched on how generosity is our natural state, and that we simply need to open the pathway and create a channel for it to be expressed.

The second was an event I offered over the years in various places around the U.S. called “6 Degrees of Networking”. The very premise of it captures this idea of our interconnectedness. Here’s the description: “Are you blocked or stuck or have you hit a ceiling with a creative project, business or some other area of your life? Would you like some help breaking through that ceiling and opening up to new ideas? Come to the 6 Degrees Networking Event and witness the magic of networking at its best. This event takes the six degrees of separation principle a step further and puts it to work. The premise is simple: tap into the ideas and resources of a room full of people and all kinds of impossible things suddenly become possible. All you need to do is to bring one goal you'd like to achieve and the obstacle that's in the way of achieving it, and we'll do the rest. Join us for an evening of fun and inspiration and results! You'll never be satisfied with ordinary networking again! Plus, you'll discover that the solutions to many of our problems and challenges can be found right within our own community.”

Decades later, my interest in the extraordinary power of gatherings, groups and community has not waned. It’s grown stronger. I now see it becoming a necessity to our very survival.

I love this quote by Seth Godin from his book, Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us,

“A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader, and connected to an idea. For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another. A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

When a group of kindred spirits gather together, a sacred container is created and something magical happens: that circle of people ends up being something greater than the sum of its parts. A powerful, dynamic energy emerges from the group collective and it opens up a channel to the even greater collective of life. All the content, energy, tools, inspiration, information, insights and resources—everything that’s needed becomes available and accessible in that context. Because of that, people are able to share great levels of wisdom, to become vulnerable with each other, to establish a higher level of trust than they would in a social setting and to experience a deep level of intimacy with people they barely even know very quickly. This brings forth or draws out different levels of motivation, honesty, healing, growth, learning and the sharing of stories that when heard and witnessed by others can motivate people to take action that they might not otherwise. In addition, when someone models something new, it gives people the courage to do things they might not ordinarily have the courage to do.

The bottom line: We need each other. Right here, right now.

We need to come together in small tribes to problem solve, offer mutual aid and resources to each other.

We can no longer afford to deny this. Depending on a large organization or government or a leader to save us isn’t working. Thankfully, many people are realizing this and returning to grass roots organizing and community hubs with solutions that are based on service to others rather than service to self. They’re flipping the script by recognizing that the interdependence of our ancestors, indigenous cultures and non-Westernized cultures is the pathway to a healthier, kinder and more abundant life.

Collaboration is the medicine; competition is the disease.

Win-win. Highest Good for ALL. No harm to anyone. No one left out.

This is what the earth and all the living beings that reside here are waiting for humanity to embrace.

The veils of polarity and duality are coming down as we wake up to the truth of our unity consciousness.

In the meantime, we’re all having to witness the cost of this old paradigm as it crumbles.

By surrendering and opening ourselves up to our interconnectedness again, we can make space for the love that has always been there.

This is how we build a better world.

How can you create or expand your experience of community in your life?

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