Even much older people who have terminal illnesses and know the end is near can blow this one. I've seen several instances where people have remarried and created a will (sometimes many years ago) leaving everything to the new spouse. In too many cases family land and belongs from spouse number one's family (often inherited from the grandparents) before the new marriage goes to spouse number two who leaves it all to his/her children and the children of spouse number one to die get nada. Almost criminal in my mind and probably because spouse number one just didn't want to face up to current spouse and say, "I want my kids to get what their grandparents assumed they would".
It is a shame that during a time when we should be grieving, we are often forced to face people's greed and lack of compassion. When my father died, his neighbors ransacked his home inside and out within 24 hours, grabbing everything off of his carport and obtaining a key from the office in the retirement community he lives in and taking some stuff there as well until my sister discovered it and had the locks changed. Then they began to pressure me to sell to them, offering me a miniscule amount for his home so they could line their pockets.
My sister and I never fought over anything, knowing that the best things we had were the memories we shared.
This, however, does not seem to be the norm and it is a shame that family and other vultures often fight over the stuff that is tangible while failing to treasure who that person was when they were alive.
The only solace may be that whatever assets they may obtain will someday disappear and they will be faced with their own face in the mirror.
Thanks for your comment Joy. Experiencing others' greed while grieving is wrenchingly painful and difficult to process. You're so right about the best things being the memories, however, in my family's case, we missed out on a bunch of photos that the people in his life at that time had but didn't share with us. That felt like a big loss for us on top of everything else.
Oh that is so sad. I'm sorry. That is like all the photos my ex destroyed instead of giving them to our daughter. I get it. People can be cruel! I hope someday someone reaches out with those photos 🩷🩷
Money reveals the true nature of people, good or bad. I’m so sorry that you and your sisters went through this. An ex (from decades ago) told me his siblings fought over money when their mom died. The one thing they agreed upon was to tear up a letter their mom had written asking to leave money to a woman who had helped her. How sad is that to not honor their mother’s wishes?
Yes, I've heard some crazy stories about the conflict happens after someone's death, especially if there are multiple spouses and step children. One of the craziest things that happened after my father died was his girlfriend stealing his grand piano out of his Central Park South apartment in Manhattan!
No, we never called the police. We were so overwhelmed because we were working with multiple attorneys, real estate in seven states, a recording studio, a rock band, my father's corporation, lawsuits and so on. We couldn't keep up. A so-called friend of mine was hired as a caretaker of one of the properties, and he ended up stealing a bunch of recording and music equipment. It was over the top.
First off, belated congratulations for appearing in "My Turn." A feather in your cap! I'm sorry for all you went through in the wake of your father's passing. This article seems like an act of alchemy.
Having just lost a dear friend and my father in close succession, I'm feeling a sense of urgency around getting my own affairs in order. My friend's sudden and unexpected death showed me that you never know when you'll go. And some small difficulties in settling my father's affairs--even though a new will had just been drawn up, we couldn't find his copy, and the attorney said that to the state this might be interpreted as him no longer accepting its terms; we couldn't find the title to his car, or even get it started, and his driver's license had disappeared; we had no idea if he had any debts; even though I was a signatory on my dad's checking account (which gave us access to our inheritance in the absence of probate) it was a business account, and I wasn't an executive of the company, so I couldn't close it--helped me to see how important it is that my children know everything I have and where it all is. I don't have many assets, but that's all the more reason to make sure what little I have goes straight to my children. To that end, I made my sons direct beneficiaries on all of my accounts and plan to do so with my car as well (as soon as I locate the title!), and I created a folder in my computer with instructions to my children for settling my estate. Digital copies of legal documents--DPOA, MPOA, will, end of life instructions, car title--will all go into that folder, along with a list of my account auto-debits, and a guide to my writing, so they know what is and is not of consequence to me. I still have a lot to do to get that folder set up, but it feels good to be tackling it.
It's great that you're beginning to take care of you own estate ahead of your death since the burden will fall on your children. I need to do the same, along with a living will and the 5 Wishes paperwork. It's a lot of work for us but it saves our grieving children from having to deal with a mess!
What's the 5 Wishes? I will do the two POAs and a living will, I guess. I asked my dad if he wanted to do a living will and what his wishes were, and he said, "There are too many variables for me to say. I trust you and Nancy to make whatever decisions you think best."
Even much older people who have terminal illnesses and know the end is near can blow this one. I've seen several instances where people have remarried and created a will (sometimes many years ago) leaving everything to the new spouse. In too many cases family land and belongs from spouse number one's family (often inherited from the grandparents) before the new marriage goes to spouse number two who leaves it all to his/her children and the children of spouse number one to die get nada. Almost criminal in my mind and probably because spouse number one just didn't want to face up to current spouse and say, "I want my kids to get what their grandparents assumed they would".
It is a shame that during a time when we should be grieving, we are often forced to face people's greed and lack of compassion. When my father died, his neighbors ransacked his home inside and out within 24 hours, grabbing everything off of his carport and obtaining a key from the office in the retirement community he lives in and taking some stuff there as well until my sister discovered it and had the locks changed. Then they began to pressure me to sell to them, offering me a miniscule amount for his home so they could line their pockets.
My sister and I never fought over anything, knowing that the best things we had were the memories we shared.
This, however, does not seem to be the norm and it is a shame that family and other vultures often fight over the stuff that is tangible while failing to treasure who that person was when they were alive.
The only solace may be that whatever assets they may obtain will someday disappear and they will be faced with their own face in the mirror.
Thanks for your comment Joy. Experiencing others' greed while grieving is wrenchingly painful and difficult to process. You're so right about the best things being the memories, however, in my family's case, we missed out on a bunch of photos that the people in his life at that time had but didn't share with us. That felt like a big loss for us on top of everything else.
Oh that is so sad. I'm sorry. That is like all the photos my ex destroyed instead of giving them to our daughter. I get it. People can be cruel! I hope someday someone reaches out with those photos 🩷🩷
Money reveals the true nature of people, good or bad. I’m so sorry that you and your sisters went through this. An ex (from decades ago) told me his siblings fought over money when their mom died. The one thing they agreed upon was to tear up a letter their mom had written asking to leave money to a woman who had helped her. How sad is that to not honor their mother’s wishes?
Yes, I've heard some crazy stories about the conflict happens after someone's death, especially if there are multiple spouses and step children. One of the craziest things that happened after my father died was his girlfriend stealing his grand piano out of his Central Park South apartment in Manhattan!
OMG that is crazy! Did she get caught?
No, we never called the police. We were so overwhelmed because we were working with multiple attorneys, real estate in seven states, a recording studio, a rock band, my father's corporation, lawsuits and so on. We couldn't keep up. A so-called friend of mine was hired as a caretaker of one of the properties, and he ended up stealing a bunch of recording and music equipment. It was over the top.
That's a lot for anyone to handle!
First off, belated congratulations for appearing in "My Turn." A feather in your cap! I'm sorry for all you went through in the wake of your father's passing. This article seems like an act of alchemy.
Having just lost a dear friend and my father in close succession, I'm feeling a sense of urgency around getting my own affairs in order. My friend's sudden and unexpected death showed me that you never know when you'll go. And some small difficulties in settling my father's affairs--even though a new will had just been drawn up, we couldn't find his copy, and the attorney said that to the state this might be interpreted as him no longer accepting its terms; we couldn't find the title to his car, or even get it started, and his driver's license had disappeared; we had no idea if he had any debts; even though I was a signatory on my dad's checking account (which gave us access to our inheritance in the absence of probate) it was a business account, and I wasn't an executive of the company, so I couldn't close it--helped me to see how important it is that my children know everything I have and where it all is. I don't have many assets, but that's all the more reason to make sure what little I have goes straight to my children. To that end, I made my sons direct beneficiaries on all of my accounts and plan to do so with my car as well (as soon as I locate the title!), and I created a folder in my computer with instructions to my children for settling my estate. Digital copies of legal documents--DPOA, MPOA, will, end of life instructions, car title--will all go into that folder, along with a list of my account auto-debits, and a guide to my writing, so they know what is and is not of consequence to me. I still have a lot to do to get that folder set up, but it feels good to be tackling it.
It's great that you're beginning to take care of you own estate ahead of your death since the burden will fall on your children. I need to do the same, along with a living will and the 5 Wishes paperwork. It's a lot of work for us but it saves our grieving children from having to deal with a mess!
What's the 5 Wishes? I will do the two POAs and a living will, I guess. I asked my dad if he wanted to do a living will and what his wishes were, and he said, "There are too many variables for me to say. I trust you and Nancy to make whatever decisions you think best."
Here's a link to The Five Wishes https://www.fivewishes.org/
Thanks. Looks interesting!