Want to Unlock the Door to Your True Self?

Start by taking the handcuffs off your inner child

Photo by Jason D

Note: In this post, for ease of reading, I use “her” and “she” instead of “him/her, he/she or they”.

You have an inner child that lives within you. Often, this sweet, loving child has been locked away and ignored. Long, long ago, this inner child learned that expressing herself, speaking her truth, and being who she is was not allowed.

This beautiful child was shamed, blamed, criticized, projected upon, and abused. In order to survive in the world and be loved, many of us locked away this child because there was no safe place for her to be.

To keep this child safe, we said, “You must be quiet. You must stay away. You must be very, very good so that I can survive.”

We silenced this joyful, curious, happy part of ourselves.

Every time our inner child tries to express something or ask for something, we often shut that down, stop it, and block it. We don’t know how to honor the wishes of this beautiful child. With this part of ourselves being cut off, we don’t feel whole. We feel very shut off from ourselves.

Take a moment and find out where your inner child lives within you. Look for her. When you find this sweet, dear one, sit down next to her. Take a moment and listen. If your child won’t speak to you, reach out and place your hand on her shoulder. Speak in a soothing tone to reassure her. In a gentle voice, tell her that you haven’t forgotten her and that you’re willing to take the time now to care for her.

Offer a promise to do your very best to provide exactly what she needs. Say, “I am here. I am here. I am here.”

Invite your child to sit on your lap. Give her a hug. Tell her you love her deeply. Tell her that you’re now willing to listen.

This process is very powerful. I did it with an intuitive healer several years ago, and it was life-changing. It sounds like make-believe, as if it's not really happening, but I promise you, there’s an aspect deep within you that will respond to this process.

The purpose of reconnecting with your inner child is to restore a sense of wholeness. It’s a way to reconnect with self-love and self-care, which, as you know, are essential to your well being. When you feel filled up, love flows from you naturally. But if you feel deprived within your soul, you may become stingy with yourself and with others.

If a part of you feels sad or even very angry and you hold it in and lock it down, it's like putting it in quarantine. If you do that with your inner child, eventually she will explode.

If a part of you feels rage or anger or pressure under the surface, it’s important to express it. I once heard of a way to release these feelings without harm: find some whole coconuts and a place where you can literally throw them down and smash them. Many major cities also have rage rooms, where you can go and break dishes. Or get some exercise. Sports can really help express those feelings because energy wants to move.

The same goes for sadness. It’s important to find a way to express it. But remember, that’s not all your inner child needs. She also wants to play, have fun, and do things that feel really good.

How often have been told you're too serious?

Maybe you believe being spiritual means being very serious.

How often do you play? Laugh? Act silly? These are all aspects of who you are that want to be expressed. The Divine wants to express joy through you.

One of the most spiritually powerful gifts you can give another person is joy, happiness, and lightness of being. It's contagious. When you allow joy to come through you, you contribute to the vibration around you.

We’ve become so good at being responsible adults by doing what we’re supposed to do, following the rules, and listening to authority, that we’ve forgotten how to notice what brings us joy.

Instead of asking, “What should I do?” ask, “What would bring me joy right now?” That’s a powerful question, and yet it’s rarely asked.

One way to know your inner child is not being expressed is if you feel deeply resentful of everything and everyone around you. You feel burned out, deprived, rejected by life. You feel cut off because you’re unwilling to engage joyfully. You cross your arms in refusal to participate. You say to life, energetically, “No thank you. It’s too painful.”

And in doing so, it’s as if you have one foot out the door of life.

You’re not fully in your body.

You’re not fully engaged.

You’re not fully here.

And when you're not fully here, you're denying access to the Divine to experience life through you. That can halt your spiritual growth.

If you’re not fully embodying who you are, not fully loving or expressing yourself, then you are not, for whatever reason, fully showing up or being present for your life.

Many people believe that to be spiritual, they must be martyrs. They think they must sacrifice all desires and take a painful, difficult path that includes living in poverty, staying small, and facing constant challenges to prove their spiritual worth.

During my life, I’ve met some remarkable people who clearly were expressing God through them. What stood out most was how vibrant, joyful, and alive they were. Their eyes twinkled. After meeting them, I often felt I had encountered an angel or that God Himself was looking into my eyes through them. That childlike joy radiated from them, and I felt like they held a great secret. I wanted to know that secret more than anything. These people weren’t famous or spiritual teachers. Most were ordinary-looking people doing ordinary things. But something in their presence was extraordinary.

As the Sufis say, it was “the glance” which happens when you see and feel the presence of God in a person with absolute serenity. It’s magical. And I know it’s because their inner child is fully expressed and allowed to be.

This is the essence of inner alchemy. It’s what we’re all working toward: to become the sacred vessel that allows life in its fullness to come into us and flow through us.

A beautiful place to begin is to take the handcuffs off your inner child. Unlock the closet where she’s been hiding. Start to listen. Ask her what she needs, and start giving it her.

Believe it or not, your inner child holds the key to remembering your True Self.

When I did this process of freeing my inner child with the healer I worked with, I started to engage more fully with others, to be more present in my life, and to experience far less fear and far more joy.

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