The U.S Declaration of Independence considers “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” to be “unalienable rights” of man. At first glance these rights seem simple and straightforward, but upon closer inspection we see that it is only pointing to the right to pursue happiness, not the right to achieve it.
This begs the question, can happiness be achieved, and if so, how?
Most of us expect to have at least some degree of happiness in life, and do our best to create a life that is driven by our desire for that quality. Unfortunately, we often work against the very thing we seek as we often mistakenly conclude that our happiness is dependent on certain circumstances and relationships working in our favor.
Life is not static.
Circumstances and relationships change.
The very nature of this existence is based on the fact that we are always in a state of flux, meaning it’s best not to place your happiness on someone or something else. This gives that situation or person a great deal of power over your well being because what will you do when things change?Instead, it’s best to keep our happiness fluid and based on something we can count on: ourselves.
It has been said many times that happiness is a choice or a state of mind. What that means is that ultimately, we are in control of our own happiness. Of course, it helps if we create a life that aligned with our values and that supports our well being. If we haven’t, we need to start there. But if we’ve done all of that, then it’s time to look deeper to examine our attitudes and beliefs about the life we’re living.
Cultivating a strong relationship with ourselves is the first step.
Don’t laugh. You’d be surprised how few people feel connected with themselves.
Slowing down and taking the time to really listen to what we think and how we feel opens us up to greater self-awareness and we can use this awareness to determine what’s working and what’s not working in our lives.
The movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carey spoke to the power of daily decisions when he was invited to start saying “yes” to everything. Though taken to an extreme in the movie, this very act opened up some major changes within his character which had a huge ripple effect on the people and circumstances of his life.
So often, we go through our daily lives on autopilot, doing the same thing day in and day out. This habitual zone disengages us from ourselves and strips the magic out of life. Yes, we may feel temporarily safe and secure, but we’re not really living. It’s akin to having 88 keys of a piano and only playing on the 8 keys in the middle of the keyboard. A life played that way has no range, and to create beautiful music you need ALL of the keys.
Typically, we get into this rut because we are risk averse and playing it safe, but in so doing we have limited our experience, and over time this makes our best qualities atrophy from lack of use.
Life is about learning and growth and change. You can begin to notice your choices and then stir it up a bit.
Do something you don’t usually do.
Spend time with a new person.
Go to a new place.
Do a new activity.
Take risks.
This is where the potential for happiness lies — in the unexpected, the new and the place where there is mystery and discovery.
Fear and resistance hold us back, but they don’t have to.
Practice using your voice and speaking your truth.
Stop the people pleasing and begin to honor yourself.
Courage will grow with time.
Self-denial is a big part of why people feel unhappy. Denying the self only backfires because eventually your battery gets so low from perpetually forgetting to charge it, that you have nothing left to give. We are far more able to give to others when we feel fed. In fact, the happier you are, the more you want to share that feeling with others. Giving flows naturally from that place.
It’s pretty simple. Treat yourself as you would anyone that you love: listen to what you need and give it to yourself.
Being happy is good for you. According to the Journal of Happiness, studies have shown that happy people live longer and fall ill less often. All is takes is a little investment from you.
Ghandi summed it up nicely when he said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” So be good to yourself and by all means have fun doing it.
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